Heartache

I happened to read condolence messages on Jolene's FB about her grandparent. & i began wonder, how does it really feels. Not like i wanna experience it. But both my grandma has passed on and idk why i dont feel anything.

I remember the day my dad called me last year when i was having school saying my grandma has left us, Yes, i was in shock, but somehow it wasnt to the extent that i cried and ran home kinda thing. Instead I was just like : OMG?! Are u serious? I asked about the details and hung up. Yup, thats about it. Am i being heartless or?

Frankly, I wasn't close to my grandma to begin with. Her eyes only had my bro and even on her deathbed, she ignored me.. Sometimes i wish my brother and i are close to till we have endless topics together. There was once, we took the same bus and train together to different destination. We had nothing to talk about.. There was awkward silence~ It shouldnt be this way! Hes my brother yet... (sighs) Same goes for my parents, I cant seem to open up to them anymore. For example, i talk about a recent stuff im into or something to catchup, they will just pour me a bucket of cold water saying its a waste of time and i should concentrate on my studies..
How am I to communicate with them?

Sometimes, its really tiring and torturing. Its even worst then maintaining a tiring relationship. I guess im done whining~