Help me

I don't have the energy to carry on with whatever i am doing now. You know, its the kind of feeling whereby you just wanna put everything you're doing down and stare into blank space with no one interrupting you. Its just you and the peaceful environment. No matter how much fun i play or have a mini getaway, it doesn't work anymore..... Everytime i go back to school, my mind will be : When will this ever end~. I enjoy studying really as well as basketball. But somethings, just don't go the way i want it to.

Take studies for example, i did consistent study for my bus stats but i screwed the test today. I was really hoping to get a full marks!!! I didnt know there was another question at the last page!! Although it was only 2 marks. Plus, i suddenly couldnt remember how to do standard deviation for raw data. MY MIND FUCKING BLANK OUT!!!!! The paper is fucking easy and i just simply lost 5marks like that. Am i born stupid or what. I admit i was pretty distracted over something before the lesson but IT SHOULDNT BE AN EXCUSE!!! I couldnt help but went to the toliet to cry. I was SO DISAPPOINTED in myself :( Advise me........

For basketball, I really wanna try to do better but i feel that i've come to a stage where i have to be good already and there isnt time for me to start from basics. Better with my mates now but i feel im a waste of resources and i should quit too. Like the other freshies. I suck. I realise that i have nothing i am good at nor i can boast about. May it be dance, bball, studies~ I can't even excel in ONE! -.-

I'm really really really lost. I don't know what to do anymore. Im just blindly studying now and just wanna pull up my grades from previous sem. Friendships are another problem. So is grouping for group projects. FML!

I hope everyday is like that

Missing the girl above :(

Been busy this week end :) I like! Volunteered for Standard Chartered Marathon 2010 REPC event in which my job is to give up the runner's race pack :) Im counter crew with Charaine and Kuien! It was alot more fun then i thought ^^ Not to mentioned! Cute guy from our school passing me the Race shirts. HEHEHHEHE!! Win!! :P Partner Tingyi for the 2nd day as her friend couldn't make it :) Our friendship got closer too (Y)


Today's plan was to go Zouk with Babe but her mum last minute didnt allow her to go. I was afraid of that :( Frankly i was quite disappointed as i was really looking forward to it throughout the week and jumping around expo telling my friends how excited i am. But i don't blame her of cause. I'm sure she feels as bad :( Sighhsss~ Anyway, since i was so "sian" the whole day, i had no motivation to do any work. Cause my aim today was to play.. All i accomplished today was bathe the dog. SUCKS! I FEEL SO GUILTY NOW :/

Tmr have to head to expo again at 1.30 :) Last day of the event but i don't intend to stay till the end of it. I guess i wont be collecting my 20bucks n Ben n Jerry's ice cream :(:( !! Going to Sengkang to ball with Club21 friends :) & i only know one person there- Alex. Ohwell, who cares! I got the feel to ball tmr.

Need to start concentrating again from Tuesday on. Been wasting far too much time!! & I havent even done my weekly revision :( GUILTY MUCH~

FML LITERALLY

I am so glad no one ever comes here to read. Its the only place to rant and i don't have to bother posting pictures anymore.

At the back of my brain there is a recorder on repeat : LIFE SUCKS LIFE SUCKS LIFE SUCKS..

Im not the type that usually say life sucks, i can't love again or i want to die kinda thing so easily.. But when i really do say it, i fucking mean it!

I think i've been placed in my comfort zone for far too long and now i'm facing problems which i dont know how to solve or overcome. People can be so mean and self centred and all they care is about themselves. They can pretend to listen and act as if they care. & the next, they will tell someone else saying: This person is crazy, so troubled over this kind of 'minor' things ( to them) for what. LOL! I mean like, if u really dont care, dont act as if you do. Trying to be nice? Dont even bother seriously~

& i don't have the energy to think about any relationship stuffs anymore. To me now, i am afraid of it. I think its a total waste of time. They rub salt to your wound. Doesn't apply to all i guess, just me. I am weird. Always have been.

Life sucks now!

Another wordy post. Went out with mum today for alittle shopping. Brought her to the watch shop where i was suppose to get one for myself. Ended up she bought a DKNY one herself :( I wanted it ! Damn... I was looking around the shop and whoa! I had no idea Marc by Marc Jacobs came up with their line of watches as well! SUPER NICEEEEEEEEEEE!!!! But uber ex :( So eyed on a Adidas one instead but guess what! IT WAS LAST PIECE AND IT HAS A BIG SCRATCH ON IT!!! :(:( Now, i couldn't find it anywhere. I guess i have to make my way down to the boutique *sighs! Disappointed...

Anyway, told my mum some of problems over lunch @ fish n co. Feeeels like we havent talked in ages, Actually its a fact. I can't wait to go Taiwan with her. I need a getaway :( I wanna go clubmed with babe too :/

Goodnight world! Time for another dreadful schoolday in a few hours

True colours

Lost again against NYP. Although i wasn't playing, i really wanted them to win :/ Like strengthen our bond together. Everyone are good individual players yet.. Wanted to see them like smile :(

Apart from that, Im literally drained from everything. School, friends, basketball, studies, relationships.. All coming together at once, im really not as strong to handle them all together. Nearly broke down in the train while telling Jiahua everything. If i wasn't in public, i might have just blown up. No one really understands me except her seriously.

Recently, alot of people's true colours are exposing. Im realised im not as patient like before when i was always with Jiahua, i always accept people for who they are and i expect them to. One of my principles of life is: Treat people the way you want others to treat you. But nooooo.. The people i know recently are always judging people and do not know who to put themselves in their shoes. SELFISH. I really don't understand how can people be so self-centered and all the care is about themselves. Jesus.. Vicious world~

PS: I hate people who judge me. So if you're not interested, STFU

I need to boost my self esteem

Had our first POLITE game today. Bench warmer literally, but i got over it. I'm gonna train harder and i wont quit. Prove those who thought i'll quit soooon that i can be better!! It was really demoralizing and all during the friendly match but thanks to Alex, he motivated alot and it changed my mind ^^ Thanks yo!

He wanted to come over and watch the match today with SP but he lost his way :( He was so near yet so far. However! MY LOVELY BABIES CAME INSTEAD AND IT TOTALLY CAUGHT ME BY SURPRISED! I had no idea they were comingggggg. Especially Jiahua who pretended to forget i had match. HAHAHHAHA LOVE YOU GUYS!!! Ethel Adora and Jiahua !! (L) (L) (L) Made my day!

Trained back with Jiahua and suddenly i had the appetite to eat so went to have late dinner. Once again, i feel fat :( KFC for lunch toooooo. I need to run!!! -.- Thank god im ball-ing with Adam Andy Amos and Jiahua tmr during my 3hr break (Y) WOOOOOOHOOOOOO!!! Its been so long since i last played with them :( Excited* If only Seng Cheong could join us tooooo..

& after much thoughts.. I guess i've looked at the overview and the odds.. I suppose i've decided what to do. Im really tired being the one forever chasing. I wanna be chased too you know :( I cannot just replace someone who has lived in your heart for so long. & if time will tell, let me know when the time comes... Im seriously tired. About 1year ago, i was in a similar situation and its happening all over again. WHY DOES THIS KIND OF SHIT ALWAYS HAPPEN ON ME....

Exactly how im feeling :(

Color Test - Results

Your Existing Situation Feels her position is threatened or not properly recognized by others and feels defensive. Determined to go after her goals despite her fear of bringing conflict upon himself. Your Stress Sources "Current problems are seen as dangerous and threatening. she is angry a the thought she will have to continually put off her own goals for the time being, leaving her feeling powerless to change things. she feels used, overwhelmed, and exhausted at the demands placed on her. " Your Restrained Characteristics "Feels she is getting less than she deserves for all her hard work; however, she makes no effort to change things and tries to make the best of the situation." Emotionally distant even from those closest to her. Conceited and is easily insulted. Holds back emotionally but is able to find satisfaction through sexual activity. Your Desired Objective "Has too many problems and difficulties in her life at the moment, causing reckless and foolish decisions to be made. she needs to find a better escape before she causes her own self-destruction." Your Actual Problem "Feeling a lack of energy, she does not wish to be involved in further activity or give in to demands. she is feeling powerless causing her stress, agitation, and irritation. she reacts by becoming the victim and feeling as if everyone is out to get her. Demands with annoyance that she needs to get her own way."