Let me be in coma

I hate my life i hate my life i hate my life i hate my life i hate my life i hate my life i hate life.

Have i ever demanded anything from you guys? No.
Have i always openly asked you for money? No.
Do i expect you to praise me? No.
Do i expect you to guide me with studies? No.

All these years, i have learnt to live independently. Yes, i lived on your money. I studied O Levels myself with the help of a tuition teacher. Yes, you paid for it. But i did my best and studied everyday without fail. You may not see my efforts but i expected you to have understood everything by now. When kor got into some shitty course, i dont see you scolding him, or saying how much effort he hasn't put in. Instead, you guys encouraged him and told him not to worry. Now he is a university far more expensive than the others, you guys did not say a word. Not like i got into ITE or private right. Why? Why isn't it good enough for you? I did my freaking best.. You may not see it but i reallyreallyreally did.. Was it because I didnt go to a JC?

Over this small matter, I have finally understood how you feel about me. Your impression on me and everything else. I know i am not intelligent, spendthrift, lazy, irritating and always having moodswings. But aren't im trying to make things better and improve myself? You don't understand me at all. I thought you do. Its so disappointing. Bias shit..

Now you expect me to be so irresponsible and cancel on the person. Can't I just it a shot for a month and decide? Not like if i dont work i will got to the library to do FUCKING RESEARCHES? Can't i just try to be more independent and do something for myself? I don't want t rely on you and next time you guys will say i am so useless.. There is never something I do pleases you. If i ask you now, what have i done to ever please you guys? I would say you couldn't name one. Making you trying to see my effort is killing me literally!

Asking me to control my social activities. Saying i go out of course spend money. I control and stay at home then don't need t work already? HOW BOUT I JUST BE LIKE MY RETARDED COUSIN?! Wouldn't that be THE BEST KID EVER! Not like Im not studying right. Not like I am asking you for money right. I just need your understanding. I am freaking turning 18 and cant you tell my mind is way more mature than you think it is? Even my friends can see it. WHY NOT YOU?! You guys were suppose to be my closest kin. Suppose to be people I can BE MYSELF and TELL YOU GUYS EVERYTHING ... But why is this happening..?